Sometimes you are sitting with friends for life and suddenly realise you don’t connect, you don’t understand why you are meeting for a coffee talking about the same old mundane gossip and you think to yourself what am I doing here, I have nothing to talk to you about. Sometimes you meet people in life and you just click and you’re comfortable with them and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything! I realised pretty early on in my twenties that you don’t need a lot of friends in your life, you just need real ones!
I believe having solid friendships in your life is one of the most vital things for happiness. To have a handful of friends at the end of the phone whenever you need them, to have shoulders to cry on when your having a crappy day and to have people to uncontrollably laugh with for no reason.
I’m so lucky to value all the friendships in my life. They are genuinely happy for my successes, they call me just to see how I am, they don’t judge me when I make a mistake or let them down and they make me smile with their quirky little individual traits. I truly love my best friends and I will hold on to them like diamonds.
I think your twenties is time to let go of friends that don’t support you and make new friendships with people that do. You become most like the people you are surrounded by. Are your closest friends a reflection of who you want to be? My friends inspire me daily.
The transition from school to college to adulthood is huge. I know that I am definitely not the same girl I was in year 11. I left school at the age of 16 and had to make a whole new group of friends at dance college. I was pretty popular at school and at college and had huge friendship groups but I only stayed in touch with one girlfriend from school and one girlfriend from college because quite frankly they were the only ones I wanted to stay in touch with.
Over the last year I have met and made a handful of new friends who I now consider forever friends. When you allow yourself to truly be you, you attract people who are on the same little wave length as you. The friends I have met this year will be my friends for life. I don’t think we have met by accident, we met because we need each other, we crossed paths for a reason.
Don’t be scared to move on from friends who aren’t supporting you anymore, who drain you, who only text you because they want something or put you down when something amazing happens to you. You don’t need those people in your life.
Some tips for creating forever friendships…really listen. Most of the time, people are so worried about what they are going to say next about themselves that they are hardly really listening to their friend. Remember that it’s not always about you! Let go of your own issues, problems and emotions and truly be there and listen to your friends. Absorb everything they say and ask more questions!
Appreciate your friends every day, maybe send them a little quote that you read and feel resonates with them or when you are out and about, take a photo of something funny you think will cheer them up. My friends and I communicate almost everyday like this and I feel so connected to them because of it.
Open up! I had a friend in my life once who never let me in. I knew she was struggling with her relationship, family problems and her own self esteem but when I asked if she was okay, the reply was always yes I’m fine. I knew she wasn’t fine and felt sad that she wasn’t able to open up to me. This friendship faded because it was one way. My friends and I now tell each other our deepest concerns, struggles and feelings even if we are ashamed of them. I can’t tell you how much this helps your life to be able to share without feeling like you are going to be judged. Sometimes when we get together its like a group therapy session and we all come away feeling like a new person!
If you don’t have friends like this in your life yet then that’s okay. Be your truest you and shine your bright light and you’ll find each other. Don’t be scared to make new friendships no matter what age you are.
I want to leave you with this Bob Marley quote which I think encompasses what friendship is all about.
“You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are…You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” – Bob Marley
Love, Lottie x