Okay so I have a confession, this post is for me just as it is for my lovely readers. I’m writing my hopes and dreams for 2019 rather than new year resolutions this year. The reason being is that new year resolutions can sometimes seem like a list of rules that I’ll end up feeling guilty about for not keeping. Writing my hopes and dreams for the year means I’m foreseeing how I want the year to look and I’ll do everything I can to try and make them happen. I’ve never felt the way I feel at the moment at the start of a year, I feel like I want 2019 to be the best year yet!
Is It Really Ever Enough
Every year so far does get better which I am so grateful for but I just feel it in my bones that this year is going to be special, I’m so ready to create a home, to work hard, to step out of my comfort zone, to learn, to be more adventurous and to smash life more than ever before.
I feel like since a slightly rocky stage in my early twenties, I’ve been happy and content but also quite in awe that I can feel that way. Life has really surprised me over the last two years and I’ve enjoyed every moment of it but now I’m ready to really push myself to the next level. I’m not talking about stuff, earning more or having more but personally I know I have more in me.
I would say I’ve been coasting for the last few years; my friends and family would disagree and I’m not denying that I’ve achieved some incredible things, I’ve ran and hosted retreats around the world, bought a flat, travelled to so many new places but I’m a Capricorn and I’m me and I’ll never be satisfied with myself even if everything around me is more than perfect.
Going Back To School
So firstly this year I am going back to University. I say back but I never actually went in the first place. I left school at 16 to pursue a ballet career and got as far academically as doing a AS Level in English Literature. If you’d told me back then that now 10 years on I’d be wanting to go back and do a degree in Science of all things I would not have believed you.
I’m going to write more about this whole journey and how I got to the point of wanting to study specifically health and behavioural sciences but I feel like I might make it a little series either on my blog or my youtube channel. I’m going to be starting with a distant learning course with the Open University which allows me up to 16 years to finish the degree but I’m going to give myself 4! I’m so so so excited and feel so ready to research and expand my knowledge like never before. The stars really feel aligned when it came to making this decision.
Writing A Book
I’ve tried to start writing my own book for what feels like the last 4 years, I have numerous notebooks and notes and documents on my laptop with the heading Book and then life gets in the way or should I really say I get in the way. I’ve always made excuses the main one being that I haven’t felt ready, or good enough or that I feel everyone around me is already writing books and has something to say but I’m fed up with myself and I’m going to write my little book even if there’s only one copy that sits on my coffee table for the rest of my life. I’ll be proud of it and that’s all that matters when you really want something.
Creating A Home
I think things personally holding me back over the last couple of years is that I haven’t really felt like I’ve had my own home. I moved back in with Mum and Dad in September 2016 and will be moving into my own flat with Sam on Friday 4th January 2019. It has been a long long time coming and I just feel like it will be the start of a whole new life!
In fact I know it is going to be life transforming. Not only will I have my own space to decorate and make cosy but I’ll be living with my best friend, Sam and I could burst I feel so excited and grateful. I’ve always been the host out of all my friends and I just can’t wait to have people over for dinner parties and celebrations and just because. I don’t find it stressful at all being the host, I love it, I love bringing all my friends together. I feel like I’m in my element and I’ve been missing that so so much. I can’t wait to get this part of me back.
Comfortable In My Own Skin
So my biggest hope and dream for 2019 or maybe it’s more of a necessity, is to be completely relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I am so almost there but I want to own that and believe in myself every single day.
I admire and adore women who just own it! I might be a grown up now but I can so easily still feel like little 16 year old me, unworthy and unconfident. Perhaps that never really goes even for those women who I believe have zero worries and doubts in themselves but I’m definitely getting more and more comfortable with my imperfections as I get older, every day I know myself a little more than yesterday and I’m quite okay with who that is I know.
Happy new year everyone and here’s to a fabulous 2019! The best one yet!
Love, Lottie x